In light of the rampant levels of douchebaggery (in practice and in speech) these days, we've got something to say: it matters not whether you are of the douche bag variety or not, only that you fucking man-up and OWN your female cleansing product status. Mark Foley: a douche bag, yes, but doubly a douche bag because he doesn't own it. So you IM underage pages asking them if they're made "horny" by your presence-who cares?! You like them young and boyish and all we have to say about that is, more power to ya, sister! But the fact that you can't just go, "Hey, Congress, I like them young and boyish and I don't think I have to explain myself to anyone, let alone you people," and insist on blaming your alcoholism, menstrual cycle, etc. really gets our goat; gets us angry, if you will. So much so that we've been popping blood vessels all afternoon thinking about how much we want to do something about it which means we'll probably try and drink away our rage the second we get out of the DealBreaker Janitorial Closet tonight, pass out in a gutter and render ourselves unable to do anything about it; all your fault, for not owning it.
Same thing with erstwhile virgins Chad Hurley and Steve Chen. Inherently nerd-douche bags they are but doubly nerd-douche bags for not holding out for the big money. Everyone knows Sergey would've spent at least $5 billion to have LonelyGirl15 all to himself; "she hasn't responded to any of my Gmail invites, I don't understand!" he was heard saying the day he convinced Larry that buying an unprofitable company would "be a shrewd business move, no matter the cost." Now FaceBook is soon going to make their deal look like pocket change and the only thing they'll be left with is their double D status because they didn't own it.
We refer the above and all those out their who are guilty of not owning it to one man who owns it so fucking much that even the New York Times, a lady who NEVER uses the word douche bag, has come out and recognized him for owning his aforementioned bagginess: Aleksey Vayner. Study him closely and all you douche bags will go far.
BTW:
Donald Trump (a guy who ALWAYS owns it): La Guardia to Reno Tahoe Int'l on his Boeing 727-100
John Travolta (a guy who never owns it): Newark/New York Liberty Int'l to Hamilton Airport on his Boeing 707-100
Warren Buffett (obviously a guy who owns it, bought it in petty cash, in fact): Boca Raton to Palm Beach Int'l on his Gulfstream IV
Posted by , Oct 10, 2006 5:31PM
you add a comedic level to these people's douchebagishness that i think it undeserved, but i guess you can't help it you funny biatch