Big News

Well everyone, it’s finally happened—Gary Coleman lost his virginity. The lucky woman was Shannon Price, who not only won the first aforementioned prize, but the second as well, which was Gar’s hand in marriage (third price is a night with Dana Plato). The whole thing happened back in August but was just made public yesterday, when the nuptial photographs were released. The Post notes that though the differentials are staggering—18 years and 11 inches—Price says her husband’s “sweet[ness]” makes him “10 feet tall,” in her eyes. I know what you’re thinking and my answer is this—who cares that there’s no business angle (or one that we can come up with, though I’m sure FBN and Jim Cramer’s US Weekly will shortly)? This is our happy story of the day, except for the part about C to the G possibly being an abusive husband (“He lets his anger conquer him sometimes," Price admitted. "He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction.") which we’re going to just chalk up to an effort on his part not to get too tall (in her eyes) for the door frame, or unresolved anger stemming from the time he almost got molested by the bicycle store owner who asked him to play 'Tarzan' with him.