Brock Fantasia is the only remaining person in the JPMorgan analyst class of 2002 to still work at JPMorgan, which is in no way testament to the work environment at JPMorgan. In fact, Brock likes to think of himself as the Highlander of his analyst class, wielding an indestructible claymore of corporate finance.

After "totally wrecking" (in his own words) the Analyst-to-Associate program in the M&A group, Brock was briefly moved to the Natural Resources group, due to increased deal flow in the M&A group. Brock graduated from the prestigious University of Pennsylvania Wharton with a degree in Finance and is working in investment banking until he can find a buy-side job. Brock has been interviewing for buy-side jobs throughout the past 3 years and has not been a "good fit" anywhere, despite his ever-burgeoning skill-set. [Editor's P.S.,- Some of this is true. But only some of it. Previous Ask Brocks are here. Send your questions to : brock AT dealbreaker DOT com]

Brock Fantasia here, wishing you a happy birthday.

Let me get this right out there; I am frankly sick of birthday parties, especially October birthday parties. It seems like everyone on the planet has an October birthday party. Think about your next three weekends. If there's a birthday party in there somewhere, then my point is proven. A vice president on my current deal team taught me that brutally efficient method of argument. You don't convince the 4th largest RLEC in Northern Texas to sign an NDA that may lead to a co-advisory role on a $10 million Term Loan B without learning how to totally finger-blast rhetoric like JPMorgan's top tier middle-management.

Brock Fantasia is the only remaining person in the JPMorgan analyst class of 2002 to still work at JPMorgan, which is in no way testament to the work environment at JPMorgan. In fact, Brock likes to think of himself as the Highlander of his analyst class, wielding an indestructible claymore of corporate finance.

After "totally wrecking" (in his own words) the Analyst-to-Associate program in the M&A group, Brock was briefly moved to the Natural Resources group, due to increased deal flow in the M&A group. Brock graduated from the prestigious University of Pennsylvania Wharton with a degree in Finance and is working in investment banking until he can find a buy-side job. Brock has been interviewing for buy-side jobs throughout the past 3 years and has not been a "good fit" anywhere, despite his ever-burgeoning skill-set. [Editor's P.S.,- Some of this is true. But only some of it. Previous Ask Brocks are here. Send your questions to : brock AT dealbreaker DOT com]

Shalom! Brock here, so let's Brock out with your stock out.

You may have noticed last Friday that several of your Jewish, semi-Jewish, or born-again Jewish colleagues at the bank left early, or were even absent, without even pretending to be orthodox. No, the Jews on Friday weren't rushing off to see the matinee of All the King(David)'s Men, The (Broken) Covenant or even Jet Li's Fearless, they were rushing off to celebrate the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah. Friday afternoon was one of those rare periods in which one comes to appreciate the vast cultural diversity of investment banking, through countless hours of offloaded work. As I sat there Friday night toiling away on an extremely meaningful profile of the B2B Publishing industry, I questioned the dwindling of my deal team. Funny, I always thought my associate Saul Goldblumenthalenfeldberg was a goy. Maybe he was faking, which takes me to my advice for this week: if you work for an investment bank, pretend that you are Jewish.

Rosh Hashanah literally translates to "Head of the Year," which is why Jamie Dimon celebrates it wearing a yarmulke emblazoned with a golden dollar-sign. Dimon, in another bold stroke of cost-cutting genius, removed all means of leavening bread from JPMorgan dining facilities, including 18-minute stoppers on all ovens, serendipitously ensuring that all JPMorgan starches are pro-Israel. Sans leavening agents, Dimon mistakenly believes that this will cut down on company medical expenses incurred by yeast infections, rampant among middle management, especially VPs and staffers, who are known to pee a little bit every time a managing director says something. On a side note, Dimon is considered an official member of the tribe by many New York Talmudic scholars in his inspired rabbinical attempts to actually circumcise JPMorgan. For Dimon, the removal of the corporate foreskin is the only way to reduce over-head.

Brock Fantasia is the only remaining person in the JPMorgan analyst class of 2002 to still work at JPMorgan, which is in no way testament to the work environment at JPMorgan. In fact, Brock likes to think of himself as the Highlander of his analyst class, wielding an indestructible claymore of corporate finance.

After "totally wrecking" (in his own words) the Analyst-to-Associate program in the M&A group, Brock was briefly moved to the Natural Resources group, due to increased deal flow in the M&A group. Brock graduated from the prestigious University of Pennsylvania Wharton with a degree in Finance and is working in investment banking until he can find a buy-side job. Brock has been interviewing for buy-side jobs throughout the past 3 years and has not been a "good fit" anywhere, despite his ever-burgeoning skill-set. [Editor's P.S.,- Some of this is true. But only some of it. Previous Ask Brocks are here. Send your questions to : brock AT dealbreaker DOT com]

Auf wiedersehen amigos! It's me, Brock here, so let's Brock it like it's hot.

As summer is a day from officially ending, it's finally time to get serious after the frivolity of September and its many celebrations. It is time to emerge from the "hangover grande" caused by Mexican Independence Day on the 16th, put away those soiled Tom Brady jerseys that lubricated the joy of Patriot Day on the 11th and go back to letting your grandparents feebly succumb to the ravaging spectre of age after the respite of widely-celebrated Grandparents Day on September 10th. It is also time to stop wearing white.

While you're busy getting the deal team back together to start making Lucite babies in the Electronics Manufacturing Services (EMS) sector, nothing can Bogart your deal-joint quite like a bad case of the flu. As flu season rapidly approaches, it's important to stay as protected as your job at JPMorgan during a down-turn, so that's why I, Brock Fantasia, like to avoid flu shots like the virulent plagues they profess to protect against.

Brock Fantasia is the only remaining person in the JPMorgan analyst class of 2002 to still work at JPMorgan, which is in no way testament to the work environment at JPMorgan. In fact, Brock likes to think of himself as the Highlander of his analyst class, wielding an indestructible claymore of corporate finance.

After "totally wrecking" (in his own words) the Analyst-to-Associate program in the M&A group, Brock was briefly moved to the Natural Resources group, due to increased deal flow in the M&A group. Brock graduated from the prestigious University of Pennsylvania Wharton with a degree in Finance and is working in investment banking until he can find a buy-side job. Brock has been interviewing for buy-side jobs throughout the past 3 years and has not been a "good fit" anywhere, despite his ever-burgeoning skill-set. [Editor's P.S.,- Some of this is true. But only some of it. Previous Ask Brocks are here. Send your questions to : brock AT dealbreaker DOT com]

Hi, it's me, B to the Rock, so let's win this.

Now, I don't like to throw around the word "genius" lightly, but everyone I work with at JPMorgan is a genius. We're talking above a 620 on the verbal section of the SATs type of genius. Upon seeing the analogy:

Consultant : Pansy with a skill set as soft as his/her pectorals ::
JPMorgan Investment Banker : [x]

a.) Human bidet
b.) Breed of pack animal indigenous to Manhattan
c.) Shoulder-length rubber glove
d.) Genius
e.) Ecuadorian migrant worker with a 401k and dental
f.) None of the above, as analogies are no longer a section of the SATs

The JPMorgan employee, forged out of the bedrock of humility and perspective, would inevitably answer, d. (We would have also accepted a.) (More after the jump...)

[Editor's Note: It has been suggested that we need an advice columnist for DealBreaker, so we went out an found one. Meet Brock Fantasia.]

Brock Fantasia is the only remaining person in the JPMorgan analyst class of 2002 to still work at JPMorgan, which is in no way testament to the work environment at JPMorgan. In fact, Brock likes to think of himself as the Highlander of his analyst class, wielding an indestructible claymore of corporate finance.

After "totally wrecking" (in his own words) the Analyst-to-Associate program in the M&A group, Brock was briefly moved to the Natural Resources group, due to increased deal flow in the M&A group. Brock graduated from the prestigious University of Pennsylvania Wharton with a degree in Finance and is working in investment banking until he can find a buy-side job. Brock has been interviewing for buy-side jobs throughout the past 3 years and has not been a "good fit" anywhere, despite his ever-burgeoning skill-set. [Editor's P.S.,- Some of this is true. But only some of it. Send your questions to : brock AT dealbreaker DOT com]

Hi, Brock here. Today's topic is INTENSITY. Why do I capitalize INTENSITY? If you don't know, you must not work as an INVESTMENT BANKER at JPMorgan, and you definitely need to keep reading.

You're slamming your third Red Bull, even though it tastes like strained horse urine and is merely meant to disguise cheap vodka, which is usually crudely labeled in Cyrillic and tastes like a wet potato fart. Capping in the home stretch of a satisfying 130 hour week on a Saturday night, now more awake than ever, you wonder what people used to do before Red Bull invented amino acids.

You must be asking, "How do you do it Brock? How do you work a 130 hour week and still emerge with a smile on your face?" The answer is livestock-grade lithium. Lithium and INTENSITY.

I first learned about true INTENSITY as an undergraduate at Penn Wharton... (More after the jump.)

[Editor's Note: It has been suggested that we need an advice columnist for DealBreaker, so we went out an found one. Meet Brock Fantasia.]

Brock Fantasia is the only remaining person in the JPMorgan analyst class of 2002 to still work at JPMorgan, which is in no way testament to the work environment at JPMorgan. In fact, Brock likes to think of himself as the Highlander of his analyst class, wielding an indestructible claymore of corporate finance.

After "totally wrecking" (in his own words) the Analyst-to-Associate program in the M&A group, Brock was briefly moved to the Natural Resources group, due to increased deal flow in the M&A group. Brock graduated from the prestigious University of Pennsylvania Wharton with a degree in Finance and is working in investment banking until he can find a buy-side job. Brock has been interviewing for buy-side jobs throughout the past 3 years and has not been a "good fit" anywhere, despite his ever-burgeoning skill-set. [Editor's P.S.,- Some of this is true. But only some of it. Send your questions to : brock AT dealbreaker DOT com]

Hi, it's me, Brock here, with my advice for this week.

How many of you have been in this situation? You're the go-to guy on a project. You know this because your staffer told you that this project could go "live" at any moment, including weekends. This makes working Friday night fun, because you know that after the client sees that page of tombstones you prepared dating back from 1999, they might realize that they're dealing with an institution that has been the co-advisor on more $50-$100mm second lien loans to media companies in Europe than all but 4 other banks. Who do you think they'll sign up with? If you said the 4 other banks in front of us, you must not work here, because if you did you'd realize that you can't fight the JPMentum! (More after the jump...)